An Open Letter to Zeus

Dear Zeus,

I can call you Zeus, right? The Big Z? I’ve been to your temple so I feel we are close. I’m assuming my derogatory statements about Athens has awakened your ire. I know I’ve said the city is dirty. That’s it’s overrun with graffiti. That garbage bags are piled high around dumpsters that don’t seem to ever be emptied. I know I’ve said I’ve found the people to be unfriendly and unhelpful. That Greek men chain smoke and wear nothing but sweatpants. And that Greek women are miserable because they only have chain-smoking, sweatpants-wearing men from which to choose for a mate.

I guess you took offense. And I appreciate it, I really do. But come on, look at this place. This is not the Athens of your day. The center of democracy, drama, philosophy. You wouldn’t have stood for anyone tagging the Parthenon. You’d have found a way to allow people to throw toilet paper in the actual toilets instead of garbage cans. People with their hands out to the government?  You’d have struck those hands with lightening. Or maybe had Hades do it. But from lonely tourist to Greek God, I apologize. Now let me the hell out of here.

Best,
Michael